Title: "The Siege Perilous”
Fandom: "Once Upon a Time”
Word count: 3,866
Summary: Regina wants her happy ending. This one will do nicely for the moment.
Notes: A very porny, not very plotty story set before the beginning of season 1.
Regina had been waiting for the knock at the door, but she silently counted to ten before walking across the foyer and opening it. Couldn't appear too eager. That would be undignified.
It was Ruby, of course, and she was still dressed (if you could call it that) in her waitress uniform, just as she had been earlier in the evening when Regina had stopped in at Granny's for coffee.
Open-toed black pumps – hardly the ultimate in comfortable waitressing footwear – with the cutest white cuffed ankle socks. Slender bare legs that went on... and on... and on... still going... until they arrived at the world's tightest pair of red shorts. Belly-baring white tie-top, and finally a beautiful face framed by long black hair with red streaks and red headband. The face wore a great deal of makeup, and a somewhat sardonic smile.
“Meat delivery for Regina Mills,” she said in a deliveryman's monotone. “Are you Regina Mills?”
“Ruby.” Regina greeted her with the most guileless smile she could muster. “What a lovely surprise.” Ruby's grin got wider and sardonic-er. “Meat delivery? I didn't know your grandmother was dealing in meats.”
“Who said anything about her?”
“I don't see you carrying anything. What cuts of meat have you brought me?”
“All kinds.” Ruby strutted through the open door into Regina's foyer. “Breasts, thighs. Rump.” She kicked the door quietly shut behind her with a heel. “Tongue.”
The instant the door clicked closed, Regina pinned Ruby against it and kissed the young woman like she'd die if she didn't.
Ruby allowed Regina a full minute of feverish snogging and groping before gently but firmly pushing her back a bit. “Mffff, nice to see you too, Ms. Mayor. Okay, okay, you've got my vote.”
Regina had to laugh at the sight of Ruby's now lipstick-smeared face, and imagined her own face didn't look much different.
She cleared her throat and gathered her composure. “I wasn't sure you'd get my invitation.”
“You weren't particularly subtle,” Ruby said. “A ten-dollar tip for a cup of coffee, wrapped in a piece of your stationery with Henry is spending the night at a friend's house written on it.”
“Well, how can you get what you want if you don't make it clear what you want?”
“What if Granny had picked it up instead of me?”
“Would you have cared?”
“No. But would you have cared? Ms. Mayor?”
Regina waved off the implication. “I have ways of making embarrassing incidents go away. I'm a politician.”
Ruby caught sight of herself in the entryway mirror. “Omigosh, look at my lipstick,” she said with a giggle.
“Don't worry about that,” Regina told her. “It's going to get way worse before it gets better.”
Ruby looked her up and down. “You look beautiful,” she said. “I love you in that dress.”
“Thank you, Ruby. I hope you'll love me out of it as well.”
The dress in question was one of Regina's everyday ones... silver-grey with a knee-length skirt, and a golden clasp in front holding it together. Sheer white stockings. Black heels. Certainly a far cry from the elaborate Black Gowns of Evil she'd favored in her previous life, but infinitely easier to extricate herself from when circumstances called for such a thing.
“Ms. Mayor,” Ruby said with mock stiffness. “I'm beginning to get the idea you think I'm promiscuous. Or that I might be bisexual.”
“If there were three sexes, you'd be trisexual,” Regina said. “If there were four, you'd be quadrisexual. And there are still claw marks in my headboard from your last innocent little visit. I've had to explain them to Graham as the result of a particularly vigorous masturbation session.”
“Okay, okay,” Ruby said, holding up her hands. “So I like sex. Maybe a lot.” She grinned at Regina and licked her smeared lips. “Maybe with you especially.”
“Then you're in luck, Ruby. In just a few minutes, you'll be in the nude and seated in the Chair.”
Ruby gasped and assumed the expression of a small child who's been told she'll be spending the weekend at an amusement park. “Th—the Chair? The Chair? That Chair?”
Ruby fluttered her eyelashes and rolled her eyes with a rapturous expression. “I loooooove the Chair,” she moaned. “I love it more than anything in the whole wide world.”
Regina laughed. “I like it too, so please try not to break it in your enthusiasm.”
She took the flamboyantly-dressed young woman by the hand and led her up the carpeted stairs toward her bedroom. “Come into my parlor, lovely little fly,” she said.
“Parlor? Fly?” Ruby blinked in confusion.
Regina sighed. “It's a nursery rhyme reference. Indulge me.”
“Oh, I'm going to indulge the daylights out of you.”
* * * * *
As they walked into Regina's spacious, stylishly furnished and carpeted bedroom, Ruby ran straight over to the Chair and kissed it on the top of its ornately carved wooden back. “Oh, baby, I've missed you,” she crooned to it.
Regina chuckled at that and went over to her sideboard, where she retrieved a shaker of her best hard cider from the refrigerator cabinet and filled a pair of champagne flutes.
“It must be hard to walk on this carpet in those shoes,” she told Ruby, handing her one of the glasses. “You'd better take them off. In fact...” Regina sat down on the edge of her bed, crossed her legs and took a sip of the cider. “Maybe you'd better take off everything you're wearing.”
Ruby grinned over her sip of cider. “I think, Madame Mayor,” she said, “that you're supposed to get me drunk first, and then get me naked.”
Regina shrugged. “However you'd prefer. I don't have to pick up Henry until nine o'clock tomorrow morning.”
Ruby took another sip and set down her glass. She kicked off her shoes, then pulled off her socks. Rolled them up and tossed them mischievously at Regina, who let the first one bounce off her nose and caught the second in her lap.
The older woman watched enraptured as the beautiful waitress unbuttoned her shorts. She had to do a very nice bit of wriggling to work them down over her hips, then let gravity send them to her ankles. Underneath was a g-string so tiny Regina had to squint to see it.
It took only seconds to get rid of the white tie-top. Ruby wasn't wearing anything by way of a bra. Her breasts were small but lovely. Regina sighed as she gazed at the erect, upturned red-brown nipples.
“Would you like to do the honors?” Ruby asked, jolting Regina out of her reverie.
Ruby gestured at her g-string.
“Why, yes,” Regina answered, setting aside her cider. “Yes, I would.”
She walked over in front of the girl and fell to her knees. Hooked her thumbs in between strings and hip-points, and tugged downward. Regina purred with desire as Ruby's pretty, clean-shaven slit was revealed just inches from her face.
“What beautiful, beautiful legs you have,” she said, running her hands up and down the long limbs in question.
“All the better to wrap around you,” Ruby purred.
Regina reached around Ruby, grabbed a bun in each hand, and clamped her mouth onto the girl's vulva.
“Whoooooooo...” Ruby moaned, shivering, as the beautiful, beautiful legs just mentioned went all wobbly beneath her. She managed to steady herself by grabbing the back of Regina's head, pushing her face deeper between her thighs.
“N—no foreplay? Eeeeyaaaaaaahhhhhh...” Ruby's whole body shuddered and her legs turned to rubber.
“Mmmmmmph,” Regina replied, licking and sucking.
Regina truly felt like an Evil Queen as her helpless, beautiful subject wriggled and jiggled and shimmied before her, moaning and groaning in tribute to her mistress. Regina ran her tongue up and down Ruby's slit until it came alive and blossomed like a flower in her mouth. She knew that she was very, very good at cunnilingus. Maleficient had been the first to tell her so, after belching fire and briefly setting her bed curtains ablaze during a particularly violent orgasm.
She ran the tip of her tongue all along the edges and inner flaps of Ruby's now puffy and ragged lips. Plunged it deep inside, then curled it upward into the roof of the dripping vagina. Finally, judging that the girl couldn't hold back any longer, Regina took the hard little clit gently between her teeth and flicked it rapidly with the tip of her tongue.
“Fuck,” Ruby gasped. “FUCK... oh, God, I'm gonna come all over your face!”
“Mmm-hmmm,” Regina encouraged, not letting up on the tongue-flicking.
Ruby went eerily silent, not even breathing as her body coiled up and trembled like a spring. Every muscle in her body tensed, then released in a powerful full-body spasm.
A second spasm, and then a third. A pause of a few seconds, and then a fourth and fifth. And then a long, sobbing gasp for air.
Regina transferred her oral attentions to Ruby's thighs, planting licky kisses all over them as random little aftershocks zapped through the girl's body, and her orgasm finally melted into afterglow.
“How can you do that to me?” Ruby sobbed. “How do you even do that?”
Regina stood up and gazed into the young woman's gray-green eyes... her mascara was holding up surprisingly well. The girl knew her makeup. Regina pushed the red-streaked hair out of Ruby's face, and kissed her deeply. Not the hungry, passionate make-out kisses up against the door a few minutes earlier, but soft, sensuous I-love-you type kisses. She wasn't in love with Ruby, of course – or anyone else – but sometimes it felt really nice to pretend.
Regina explored Ruby's mouth with her tongue. The girl had lots and lots of perfect white teeth... so much so that it could be a little disconcerting if she grinned broadly at you. All the better to eat you with, my dear. Ruby reciprocated by running her tongue along Regina's lips, tasting herself.
The mayoress broke the kiss with a contented sigh. “Sit down,” she whispered in Ruby's ear.
“You haven't plugged it in yet,” Ruby whispered back.
Regina went over to attend to “The Chair.” It was big, solid, and antique... very antique, in fact. The legs and the high back (it had no armrests) were fashioned of ornately carved, unvarnished dark wood. The uncushioned seat was a square slab of thick, veined white marble.
The Chair was the only piece of magic Regina had brought from the Enchanted Forest and dared to keep out in the open.
In the Forest, it had been known as the Siege Perilous, and was without doubt the most dangerous piece of furniture in the land. It had been crafted ages ago by people or entities unknown, for the purpose of identifying the Knight pure enough of heart and soul to successfully complete the quest for the Holy Grail.
The marble seat was a portal to Hell itself, seeking to draw in everything it touched. Should a person of unquestionable purity sit upon it, Hell would recoil and retreat from his person, leaving him unharmed and revealed as the true Grail Knight.
Should anyone of lesser purity dare to sit in it, they would be sucked body and soul through the seat into the fiery pits of Hell, forever.
Regina knew that if she'd taken a seat in the Siege Perilous back in the Old Country, she would have instantly found herself in a Hieronymus Bosch nightmare, spending the rest of eternity being taken apart and put back together the wrong way by some bored demon.
In this magicless world, though, the portal couldn't function. The seat was absolutely harmless. The marble slab, however, was still a facade for the primal chaos of Hell itself... endlessly roiling and boiling and swirling. As such, touching the surface of the seat... tickled.
Oh, how it tickled.
For the first few months after the Curse had taken effect, Regina had kept the Siege carefully locked away in her family crypt, along with all the other magical odds and ends she'd brought that her subjects must never find out about. But after she had discovered its properties in this world, she just couldn't resist.
The Enchanted Forest's most feared arbiter of purity and virtue was put to work in Regina Mills's bedroom, as this world's most mind-blowing sex toy.
The beautiful irony of that was almost as delicious to Regina as the sensations she felt when she pulled down her pants and sat in that chair.
Normally, she kept an embroidered cushion in the chair and simply passed it off as a fragile antique to Henry, Graham and the very few other people who had occasion to enter her bedroom. Ruby had been the first person she'd ever shared it with.
But Ruby couldn't know about the Chair's magical nature, of course. So Regina had gotten an electrical cord with a plug on one end, and slipped the other end uselessly into a small crack on the chair's back. As far as Ruby was concerned, it was a very fancy electrical sex aid that Regina had picked up in Amsterdam years ago.
Regina plugged the fake cord into the wall outlet, then went back to join Ruby, who was standing in front of it, looking at it with a nervous smile.
“Sit,” Regina invited her.
“I'm scared,” Ruby said.
Regina sighed. “Sweetheart, you've had three sessions in the Chair already. Remember?”
“Yeah, but I'm pretty sure I passed out all three times,” she protested. Regina was pretty sure she had, too. “What if this time I have a heart attack or something, and die? After what you just did to me...”
Regina rolled her eyes. “You're not going to die of sex, Ruby. You're a very healthy young woman. And I'll be right here, watching you.” She smiled lasciviously. “With great interest.”
“That's what I'm... yeeeeek!” Regina pushed the young woman backwards in mid-protest, and she overbalanced and sat down plop in the Chair.
Ruby's eyes went as wide as saucers and her mouth gaped open in a silent scream.
Then came the hysterics.
Ruby's fit, slender body squirmed and twisted like a corkscrew. Her long legs kicked and shook, crossing and uncrossing, like a girl with a desperate need to pee. Her arms flailed, searching without success for something, anything to grab hold of.
Out of her mouth came a mad stream of squeals, shrieks, giggles, incoherent pleading, and occasional obscenities.
Regina smiled to herself as she wondered how Ruby would react to knowing she was being fucked silly by the mouth of Hell itself. The erstwhile Evil Queen of the Enchanted Forest feasted her eyes and ears on the struggling, naked girl, sipped her glass of cider, and dripped and dribbled into her royal panties.
Ruby lifted one buttock and thigh up off the seat, then the other, in a frantic attempt to escape the intensity of the sensation.
That would never do. Regina hiked her dress up to her waist, above the elastic tops of her thigh-high sheer stockings. She stradded both the Chair and the girl in it, and sat down on top of Ruby's thighs, facing her.
Regina's weight in her lap forced Ruby's vulva and bottom tightly against the roiling surface of the Chair, denying her any way to relieve the relentless tickling and sucking sensation. Regina felt the girl's body convulse helplessly underneath and against her. Ruby's fists beat uselessly against the other woman's shoulders as she wept in ecstasy.
Then Ruby's entire body began to shake and shiver as a volcanic eruption worked its way up from the depths of her being. The girlish squeals and sobs were replaced first by dog-like panting, and then a deep-throated growling and snarling that quite took Regina by surprise.
The trembling grew into a violent quaking, and suddenly Ruby threw back her head and howled as her brain shut down and her nervous system did unspeakable things to her.
That howl was like nothing Regina had ever heard... at least since her time in the Enchanted Forest, listening on her balcony at night to the distant baying of the wolves. Hearing it mere inches from her face terrified and excited her like nothing ever had since the Curse took effect.
She fell backwards off of Ruby's lap and landed on her back on the floor, with Ruby coming down on top of her in a sweaty tangle of arms and legs.
They both laid there for several minutes, silent except for their mutual attempts at catching their breath. Regina thought the girl might have passed out again.
But she hadn't. “Take off your clothes,” Ruby growled.
“What?” Regina was taken by surprise by the suddenness of the command.
Ruby lifted herself into a kneeling position and stared at Regina. “If I have to take that dress off you,” she said evenly, “I'm gonna ruin it. So I suggest you do it.”
Regina really liked the dress, so she stood up on wobbly legs and quickly undid it, letting it slide down her body and pool around her ankles. She stood there awkwardly in her bra and panties and stockings under Ruby's piercing stare, feeling very much like dinner.
Ruby stood up, her eyes locked on Regina's. The look in those eyes was so feral and predatory that the lady mayor felt just the slightest twinge of fear.
She backed away as Ruby came slowly toward her, until she felt the backs of her legs bump against the edge of her big bed. She fell backwards onto it and scrambled back along the bedspread.
Regina screamed in spite of herself as Ruby suddenly sprang up onto the bed and astride her with a single leap.
“I'm going to eat you alive,” Ruby growled down at her. Regina didn't know whether she should encourage her, or plead for her life.
Ruby lowered the length of her sweat-soaked body down onto Regina's. The feeling of the naked woman's full weight on top of her took Regina's breath away a bit, but it felt so erotic. She closed her eyes and breathed in all her lover's scents... the clean smell of her recently washed hair... the cidery smell of her breath... the musky scent of her underarms...
Regina gasped with surprise and excitement as Ruby started licking her all over her face, her neck, her shoulders. Had the girl's tongue actually grown bigger over the past few minutes? No, it was just Regina's overheated libido. But it certainly seemed like it.
Ruby took off Regina's bra and threw it over her shoulder all the way across the room, where it hit the wall and plopped down to the floor. Instinctively, defensively, Regina cupped her hands over her bare breasts, but Ruby impatiently pushed them away.
Ruby's tongue definitely seemed to be bigger, and her teeth sharper, as she licked and sucked and bit Regina's tits.
“D—don't hurt me,” Regina pleaded, her voice barely a whisper. Ruby seemed to chuckle in response and kept right on with what she was doing. It never quite crossed the line from excitement into pain. But it came damned close.
When Ruby licked her way down Regina's belly, it tickled so much the older woman had to cover her face with both hands to stifle her very undignified giggles. Those giggles ended with a gasp as the seemingly possessed young waitress grabbed hold of the waistband of Regina's underpants and yanked them down the entire length of her stocking-sheathed legs.
“Get in the Chair,” Ruby ordered, pointing at the Siege Perilous.
“Now, is that any way to speak to your mayor?” Regina bantered.
“Grrrrrrr,” said Ruby, pointing again.
Regina got up and scampered over to the Chair. Ruby followed her.
The Evil Queen looked down at her very special throne, which at the moment was completely soaked with what Ruby had left there. She glanced back over her shoulder, but the look in the other woman's eyes brooked no disobedience. Regina closed her eyes, steeled herself, and sat down in the sloppy mess.
“MMMMMMMMMmmmmmph,” she screamed through clenched teeth. Although she'd used the Chair dozens of times for just this sort of amusement, she could never quite get used to that first shock.
Regina turned bright red, clenching her eyes, her teeth, her fists, and her toes as she shivered and broke out in goosebumps, seconds away from the first of the many, many firecracker orgasms she was about to have.
But Ruby had other ideas. She grabbed Regina around the legs and pulled her forward a bit, so she slouched in the seat and her vulva was no longer pressed directly against the marble. Regina blinked at the sudden relief, but it was short-lived. Ruby knelt between her legs, and buried her face in the Evil Queen's fluffy brown bush.
OOOOOOHHHHHH... what is the deal with that fucking tongue? Regina thought helplessly as Ruby feverishly ate her out. She could feel the Siege Perilous tingling and kissing and sucking her bare bottom as Ruby's tongue bathed her vagina, her thighs, her belly...
Lap lap lap lap lap lap lap went the tongue.
Regina's eyes glazed over as the uncontrollable need to come overwhelmed her. She gazed down the length of her body and locked eyes with Ruby.
Everything seemed to become dreamlike, and for just a moment Regina saw staring back at her not Ruby's beautiful face, but a savage, feral, black-furred wolf with luminous red eyes.
Lap lap lap lap lap lap lap
Regina's scream shattered the night into a million pieces.
* * * * *
She wished afterwards that she could remember that climax, which certainly must have been the Bitch Queen of All Orgasms. But Regina could recall nothing more until she woke up the next morning, curled up in a fetal position on the carpet in front of the Siege Perilous. She was still naked except for her stockings, and she was covered in cold sweat and dried saliva, but Ruby had thoughtfully put a blanket over her before leaving. She had also, Regina noticed with a smile, unplugged the Chair.
At ten o'clock, after she'd taken a very long shower, gotten dressed and picked up Henry, Regina strolled into Granny's Diner and sat down – a bit gingerly – in her usual booth. Ruby was there, of course, once again in her familiar slutty Swiss Miss outfit.
Regina ordered coffee. “Black,” she specified.
Ruby smiled at her. “Pretty impressive storm we had last night, wasn't it?” she said as she poured.
“It sure was,” Regina replied, looking dreamily out the window. It hadn't rained a drop.
Regina left a ten-dollar tip. On the back of the bill, she wrote I love you.
She didn't really, of course, but sometimes it was fun to pretend. Right?