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"Down the Well" - Part 1 - BtVS crossover

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, crossover (you'll see)
Rating: R eventually. PG for now
Pairing(s): Buffy/Satsu primarily
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters
Notes: This story takes place during Season 8 (the comics), after "Harmonic Divergence" (issue #21). May contain minor spoilers for season 8. This story follows my earlier ones, "But We Know Pleasure Is Not That Simple" and "The Little Death." Buffy and Satsu are a couple, and there is femslash, although nothing too explicit in this story.

Part One

“We’ve been doing a lot of rappelling lately, haven’t we?” Rowena remarked, looking up at the darkness above and then down at the darkness below.


“Aw, dry yer eyes,” teased Leah, off somewhere to her right. “Yer the best of all of us when it comes to climbing ropes and jumping out of helicopters and whatnot. Me, I got no feeling left in me hands.”


“Now, what kind of Slayer doesn’t enjoy a good rappell?” came Buffy’s voice from the other side of the shaft. “I live to rappell, myself. I even have special underwear for it. Lycra underwear.”


“Lycra, kevlar, leather,” said Satsu. “Standard ensemble for the stylish Slayer on the go. I think all I need now is a pair of spike-heeled boots and a whip.”


Buffy swallowed the wrong way and had a brief coughing fit. Leah and Rowena chuckled in the darkness.


“We need to get Willow to make us some magic floaty shoes or something,” suggested Rowena.


“My ears are burning,” said Willow, floating down the center of the shaft and startling them all. Suddenly a nice warm light emanated from a point in the air near her, and the Slayers were finally able to see for the first time in nearly half an hour.  They all murmured in appreciation.


“Handy travel tip,” Buffy said. “When climbing down into a thousand-foot-deep well, bring along a flying witch with a magical torch.”

‘Two witches,” Willow corrected. “I brought Technomancer Sandra, Portal Mistress Extraordinaire, too.”


“How are you doing, San?” Buffy called.


“Lovely,” Sandra answered, clinging to Willow for dear life. “Hoping not to vomit until we get to the bottom.”


“That would be good,” agreed Willow.


“Good thing my glasses haven’t slid down my nose and fallen to their death yet,” Sandra remarked. “I can read the writing all around the wall of the shaft here. It’s Arabic.”


“Is that the standard language of Hellmouths?” Buffy asked. “Seems kind of politically incorrect.”


“No, usually one of the pre-human Dark languages,” Sandra said. “Most Hellmouths seeded long before any such language as Arabic existed. And technically this isn’t a Hellmouth, it’s a proto-Hellmouth. It hasn’t opened yet. Once they open, they’re a lot harder to get rid of.”


Ha! I noticed that,” Buffy replied.


“Let’s just be glad we got here in time. We shouldn’t have any trouble sealing it up at this point.”


“You realize you just totally jinxed it, don’t you?” Buffy sounded reproachful.


“Sorry,” said Sandra. “I may be a witch, but I’m also a scientist. Jinxes can be controlled.”


“With enough Virgin Tears, at least,” added Willow.


“Or other virgin bodily fluids,” agreed Sandra.


“Ew,” observed Leah.


“Sorry,” said Willow. “No more ingredient discussions around the mundanes.”




“I see the bottom,” said Rowena. “About thirty meters to go.”


“Thank all the gods of field and stream and other similar periodicals,” said Buffy.

*          *            *            *            *


When they arrived on solid ground at the bottom of the shaft, they wasted no time in forming up and moving out. Buffy and Satsu in front – Buffy with her Scythe and Satsu with a strange-looking firearm that looked like a rail gun. Sandra in the middle with her handheld detection equipment. Willow with her, to protect her and to be in position to float up above and cast spells in any direction if needed. Leah and Ro keeping watch in the rear.


Satsu glanced over at Buffy and smiled as they marched along in accordance with Sandra’s directions.


“Looks like we’re working side-by-side again,” she said, low enough so the others couldn’t hear. “Funny how it seems to work out that way so often.”


“You got a problem with that, soldier?” Buffy replied with mock severity, but giving Satsu a secret grin that almost made her giggle.


“Not a one, ma’am.”


“I’m the one with the Scythe, you’re the one with the Sun Gun and the skill to use it. You’re the best shot in the squad. And there will be vamps. Did I mention there will be vamps?”


“Sure did. Let’s hope this newfangled gun works right.”


“Yes, let’s,” said Sandra from behind them. “New or old fangled, I don’t see how it can fail unless we stay down here after night falls up above.”


“I have every confidence in you, Sandra,” Buffy said. “And anyway, if anything goes wrong, we just go back to the classics. When all else fails, cram a stake in it.”


*          *            *            *            *


As they followed the readouts from Sandra’s Hellmouth-finding gadgets, they soon noticed a light coming from farther down the passage, and Willow was able to drop her torch spell.


“Be ready,” Buffy warned everyone. “Light down here means either volcanic activity, or something even less good.”


“There is some subterranean volcanic activity here in the Pyrenees,” Sandra said.


“But this isn’t it,” Buffy said as what looked to be half a dozen winged vampires came sweeping up the corridor towards them. “Crap.”


Willow quickly fired a magical wind gust down the tunnel which pushed the flying vamps back just a bit, giving Buffy and Satsu a couple of extra seconds to ready their weapons, and Leah time to get to the front and take up position next to them with her sword in one hand and her three-foot-long ashwood stake (which she had nicknamed “The Bitch”) in the other.


Satsu quickly raised her gun and aimed it at the lead vamp. As she pulled the trigger a tiny magic portal opened at the back of the barrel. Light, from the open sky several thousand feet above, flooded through it into the gun’s laser mechanism and sent a ray of focused sunlight into the vamp’s chest.


The vamp exploded in a cloud of dust, causing its companions to pull back in alarm and drawing cries of “Yes!” from both Sandra and Buffy.


Satsu got off one more shot, dusting one more vampire, before its companions made a desperate rush and got inside the gun’s range. Then it was just a matter of by-the-book vampire slaying. Buffy Scythed one, Leah staked another with The Bitch, Willow blasted a third with a spell, and Rowena (still guarding the rear) took out the last survivor with a crossbow bolt.


“I think we can declare our Sun Gun test a success,” Buffy said.


“I could’ve gotten more of them if they hadn’t come on us so suddenly,” said Satsu.


“Let’s nae get too cocky,” Leah warned. “Where we’ve got to go next... that’s where they came from.”


It turned out that “where they came from” was a vast cavern, brightly lit by some unknown source (not sunlight, obviously), but obscured by so much smoke and mist that the place looked like the inside of a mushroom cloud.


Just a few feet into the massive cavern, the floor fell away in a sheer cliff, the bottom of which may have been twenty feet or twenty thousand feet below, for all they could tell.


“You guessed it, kids,” said Sandra with a sigh. “The Hellmouth is that way.” She pointed out straight across the huge gulf.


“Great,” said Buffy. “What the hell... mouth... do we do now?”


As if on cue – and perhaps predictably – a monster chose that moment to lunge out of the mist at them.


Wow, that’s a big monster, thought Buffy.


Then she saw the fangs and the forked tongue and the slit-pupilled eyes. Correction. That’s the head of a really big monster.


“Mayor Snake, incoming!” she shouted.


“...The hell is a Mayor Snake?” Leah inquired.


“That!” Buffy explained.


The thing’s head was the size of an SUV, and its serpentine body stretched down into the pit. Slayers and witches scattered in all directions as the huge head slammed down against the stone ledge they were standing on.


As she dove out of the way, Buffy noticed that the thing looked less like a snake trying to strike, and more like a snake trying to get something very annoying off its head. That something looked very much like a young woman with dark auburn hair, who was hanging on for dear life by the pair of daggers she had wedged in between the scales on the sides of the serpent’s head.


As the snake reared up again, Buffy got a momentary good look at the woman in question. “Oi,” the snake-rider called down at her. “No poaching!”


The serpent flung its head to the left and right, nearly pitching her off both times. “Unless you want to lend a hand,” she amended. “We might be able to strike a deal....”


What is it with these Mayor Demons? Buffy wondered. Do they all come with a crazy brunette attached?


Willow threw herself into the air, hung there, and pointed at the serpent-thing. “Argos!”


The creature’s movements suddenly slowed considerably, as if it were trying to thrash its way through a vat of oatmeal.


“That’s better,” the strange woman said. She pulled a pair of pistols out of holsters strapped to her thighs, and emptied them both into the serpent’s head.


The monster tried its best to thrash in a death agony, but could only manage to wave about pathetically. Its rider leisurely stood up atop its head and gracefully dove off it, executing a pretty somersault before landing lightly on her feet on the ledge.


“May I borrow your axe, miss?” she asked Buffy. “These Pit Hydras regenerate, but this head will be out of commission much longer if I cut it right off.”


Buffy shook her head. “Me and the Scythe are a package deal... but I’ll take care of it.” Buffy waited for the head to swing nearby, and leapt up on it.


The stranger shook her head. “Reckless,” she said. “Reminds me of someone.” She turned to Leah. “May I borrow your sword, or are you keen on the DIY plan as well?”


“Be my guest,” Leah said, and handed over her blade.


“Cheers,” said the new girl, and quickly joined Buffy in riding the snake.


Three Slayers and two witches watched in bemusement as Buffy and the stranger chopped and sawed doggedly (and disgustingly) at the serpent’s neck. The head seemed to be quite dead now, although the neck was still doing its best. The two women hopped off it and back on to the ledge as the head finally toppled off and fell into the darkness below. The serpent neck, squirting black gore, sank out of sight after it.


Buffy and the stranger stood looking at each other in silence for a few minutes as they caught their breath. Now that she had a chance to get a good look, Buffy thought this girl was a bit underdressed for this kind of work. Her long, athletic legs were bare, stretching attractively between a pair of sturdy boots and thick socks, and an extremely brief pair of khaki shorts. A truly impressive set of breasts were crammed into a gulp-inducingly tight green corduroy top. The woman’s auburn hair was pulled back into a long, tight braid. She was undoubtedly British, judging by her accent, and she seemed to have hardly a scratch on her despite the bracing nature of her recent activities.


Buffy put out her hand to shake. “Buffy Summers,” she introduced herself. “I’m not sure what the hell you’re doing down here, but pleased to meet ya.”


“Buffy Summers? The Slayer?” The new girl took Buffy’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “And these ladies are some of yours, I take it?”


“You’ve heard of us,” Buffy said joylessly. Who hasn’t, these days?


“Oh, I’d heard of you long before your recent news-worthiness. Don’t worry. Not everyone gets their world view from reality television. I’m Lara, by the way. Thanks for your help.”


“Lara Croft?” Buffy said, astonished. I knew I recognized those boobs from somewhere...


“As in, Angelina Jolie?” Willow asked.


Lara rolled her eyes and sighed. “Should’ve been Kate Beckinsale. Bloody Michael Bay and his Pearl Harbor crap. But yes, that’s me. So... what brings the Slayers down into the Well of Abderame?”


“Is that what it’s called? Let’s see...” Buffy counted on her fingers. “Demons. Vampires. And a baby Hellmouth that needs closing before it becomes a bad-tempered grownup Hellmouth. I guess you’ve already met one of the demons.”


“That was no demon,” Lara said. “Just a Pit Hydra. Bad enough, though. There are vampires down here, you say? I didn’t know that.”


Just then, another giant snake head loomed out of the mist, right behind Lara. And this time, hanging on to it were another half dozen...


“Speak of the devils,” Buffy shouted. “Lara, behind you. Vamps. And another Pit Hydrant thing.”


The vampires leapt off the serpent’s head and made straight for Lara, who was armed only with her useless pistols. “Bollocks,” she said.


“Lara, catch!” Buffy tossed her the Scythe.


Lara speared one of the vamps with the tip of the blade in the same motion that she caught it. A quick stab to the right with the spear-end, and to the left with the blade end, took care of two more.


Satsu dusted another vamp with her Sun Gun, then pointed it at the Hydra, which was looming over Lara and clearly about to strike. She caught it neatly in one eye with a blast of concentrated sunlight, partially blinding and distracting it for a few moments.


Meanwhile, Lara had quickly polished off another vamp. Rowena picked off the last one with her crossbow.


Willow cast another torch spell, this one centered directly on the monster’s other eye. For the moment, it was blinded by the bright light in both its eyes.


“Over here,” called Leah from another part of the chamber. “There’s another passage.”


A few moments later, seven exhausted women sat catching their breath in an empty chamber some distance away. They could still hear the roars of the furious Hydra they’d left behind, but it had no way to reach them here.


“Interesting weapon, this,” Lara said, examining the Scythe, which she still held.


“It’s my Scythe,” Buffy told her. “Goes with Senior Slayerhood.”


“This isn’t a scythe,” Lara told her. “More of a voulge, if I know my polearms. Or a sort of lochaber axe.”


Buffy took it back from her, making an effort not to yank. “You looked like a natural using the Scythe,” she said. “Willow, maybe you’d better do a check.”


“You think so?” Willow asked. She walked over, took Lara’s hand in hers, and put her other hand on the blade of the Scythe. She closed her eyes and concentrated for a few moments.


“Yep,” she said at last. “She’s a Slayer, all right.”


“What?” Lara went wide-eyed. “You’re kidding. I... I don’t know what to say. I’ve been feeling a bit stronger and quicker lately, and healing a bit faster, but I thought I’d just levelled up or something.”


The others stared at her.


“Alright, bad joke.” She looked down at her boots. “You’re just taking the mick with this business about me being a Slayer, aren’t you?”


“I’m not taking the Mick, Keith, Paul, George or Ringo,” Buffy assured her. “The Scythe doesn’t lie.”


“I’m going to have to raise my fees, then,” Lara said, shaking her head with disbelief. “Never a scythe, though,” she added under her breath.


Buffy rolled her eyes.


(Check this post if you're curious to find out more about Sandra, Lara, Natla, and some of the other people mentioned in this story...)

Chapter Two




I really enjoyed your dialogue in this. And the idea that Lara Croft thinks of herself as a D&D character kind of fits, somehow. Wonder how she'd get on with Andrew?

Nice work.
Thanks. I think she and Andrew would get along very well, although keeping Xander off her might be a bit of a distraction.
No Laura, Oi I see trouble ahead .
Buffy + Lara = Trouble squared.
Hah! Very nice! Look forward to more
Thank you. More coming soon.
This was quite fun!

“Interesting weapon, this,” Lara said, examining the Scythe, which she still held.

“It’s my Scythe,” Buffy told her. “Goes with Senior Slayerhood.”

“This isn’t a scythe,” Lara told her. “More of a voulge, if I know my polearms. Or a sort of lochaber axe.”

LOL! I love this part because it's so true. I do know what the writers where thinking when they came up with that.
I guess the "Slayer Lochaber Axe" just didn't have the same ring.
What is it with these Mayor Demons? Buffy wondered. Do they all come with a crazy brunette attached?

-This is an hilarious thought! I totally love this first chapter!